Forgiveness

Fifteen years ago one of my best friends became pregnant in our junior year of high school. I could not believe it, I was so shocked. This friend was one of my biggest inspirations while going through school. All through grade school, junior and high school she was a straight “A” student with a grade point average above a 4.0. I do not know what happen or went wrong but I was very disappointed at her. We no longer shared the same interests; the first generation to go to college, taking the SATs and ACTs, taking AP courses, and doing homework together. I dare she ruin the life for both of us; at least this was what I was feeling. So I slowly started forming other friendships and I left her out in the cold. I did not care how she felt because she disappointed me. We could no longer walk the neighborhood or go to weekend parties because she would have to babysit. So I bonded with the other girls in the group and left her in the wilderness where it was dark, cold, & scary. After all she was WILD, right? I went to college and tried to be all I could be. Before I left to go to school I met this guy that would later propose to me in life. I formed new friendships with people that shared my interest in being successful. My family was proud because I was the first generation to attend college.

Déjà-Vu all over again. In my junior year of college, one of girls comes up pregnant. The young girl tries to hide her pregnancy as long as she could to uphold her social status around her friends. In her last trimester, she begins to show her motherhood and her friends start slowly disappearing. But wait; just like the click of a button, she changes her social status. She is now a married mother who turned into a college dropout overnight. She appreciates her bundle of joy but as time passes she depreciates herself even more. Why? She has disappointed herself and everyone else’s except that precious little bundle of joy. She just does not get it. She is now walking in her friend shoes. After the birth of her second child, a co-worker stops by her desk and encourages her to go back to school for the sake of her children's future.

Never the Less, I took advantage of the tuition reimbursement and completed some courses at the local community college. I have since obtained my A.A in Liberal Studies which transferred to the University I had previously attended. I have less than a year to complete my B.A in Political Science and then I will enroll in Graduate school. By coincidence I came upon that same friend from high school whom I had abandoned. She shared a touching story with me which is why I am blogging today. She informed me that she knew everybody was angry with her but she said that she was very upset at herself for getting pregnant at 15. Her anger had crippled her and she felt that she could not do anything else. My friend said that once she decided to FORGIVE herself, everything else fell into place. Of course she completed high school but now she is enrolled in college completing her B.A. as well. I realized that I was able to move on because I, too, forgave myself. I have learned that Forgiveness starts within you. You have to learn how to hold yourself accountable and Forgive you own faults. If God can forgive u then you can forgive yourself and others too.